


Is it okay?

by starlightsongs



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: At least to me, F/F, Internal Monologue, Out of Character, Poetry, Questioning, Self-Reflection, Spoken Word, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-15 22:41:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17537702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightsongs/pseuds/starlightsongs
Summary: "They think I know everything under the sun. But I don't. At all."There's just one question that Hina Hikawa doesn't know the answer to.





	Is it okay?

**Author's Note:**

> heyo~  
> uh, so this was kind of heavily inspired by some of my feelings about my own life and just figured i'd give a heads up! i hope it still comes off as being at least somewhat true to hina's character and not just me self-inserting. enjoy!!!

Is it okay  
To not know?

Is it okay?  
Is this okay?  
Am _I_ okay?

I can do anything, apparently.  
“A child prodigy” they say.  
They think I know everything under the sun.  
But I don’t.  
At all.

I can’t understand why  
I can memorize a guitar solo in a day,  
But can’t understand  
Can't seem to figure out  
If I’m  
In love?

I mean,  
She’s just a friend, _right_?  
Wanting to spend time with her is normal, _right_?  
Thinking about what if  
I was the one to tuck her in bed  
At night  
Is that  
_Right_?

It didn’t take long for my sister  
To know she was in love.  
She confessed nearly immediately  
And had all of the details planned out.

She thinks she's inferior to me  
But she knows  _so_ much more  
than I ever could.  
It’s beyond me.

Sometimes I just wish  
I could trade all of these meaningless, technical skills  
For the sole ability  
of connecting to others  
With ease.

I stare at the stars every night  
Wondering if anyone will ever be able to understand  
Me -  
Beyond the  
Boppin’!  
Fun Loving!  
Personality  
that only reflects  _one_  
side of me.

She’s taught me a lot.  
She opened my eyes to something that isn’t boring.  
She worked hard with determination,  
Even though she experienced so much failure.  
She _tried_.  
She didn’t give up-  
The way that I usually  
Give up  
On everything  
Without even trying.

It's why I keep trying.  
I'll keep trying  
at my idol life,  
at connecting  
with her.

Can’t she see that she’s the reason why  
I’ve changed so much over time?  
A year ago I would’ve never considered such a connection,  
Such a friendship,  
Such closeness,  
Even being  
An option  
For me.

I don’t know the answer.  
For once, I can’t ace this test.  
It’s so unclear to me if I like her  
As more than a friend.

I’m not a genius.  
I’m not a prodigy.  
I can hardly understand my own feelings-  
What does that say about me?

Aya.  
Just her name alone brings joy to me.  
Aya.

Aya.  
I don’t know where I stand with you.  
These feelings come and go.  
They get cloudy,   
messy,  
misshapen  
And I don’t know what to do.

But what I do hope  
Is that you’re always here with me.  
Always on my side,  
Even if I say the wrong words,  
if I come off too strong or too harsh  
Or just don’t feel like talking at all.

I don’t know the extent,  
But I care a lot  
About you.

One day I’ll be able to tell you,  
But for now  
I have to figure out  
When and if  
It’ll ever be  
okay  
to.


End file.
